Today’s Rant: Public laptop users.
Laptops were basically created to go places. I thought that’s what I would do when I purchased one, but it ended up becoming a computer in the middle of the livingroom. Don’t get me wrong, a computer in the middle of the livingroom is great. I use it as a tv guide. But, today I decided to use it they way Dell intended it to be used . . . in public! So, as I sit in Borders, on my laptop, I can’t help but wonder what other people are thinking. “Oooohh, that guy thinks he’s soooo cool. He’s sitting on his laptop pretending to be a writer. Look at him. I bet he’s not even typing. I bet he’s just pounding buttons, thinking about lolipops and circuses.” Funny thing is, I am thinking about lolipops and circuses . . . now.

That’s my rant. Feel free to join in.

Today’s rant: Gifts
There is a certain etiquette that has to be followed while opening a gift from someone. This makes gift recieving a much more difficult job than it should be. Just once I would like to open a gift without wondering if I’m going to spew out something like, “Wow! That is one ugly shirt! What’d you do make it yourself? Did you use the lint from the dryer as yarn? Holy cow! This is a joke right? Where’s the real present? Is it under the lint shirt? Come on, seriously.” Then grandma’s crying and you’re not invited to your birthday party next year. I think a prerequisite for any gift should be a spoken list of specifics by the giver, right before the person is about to open the gift. “You are about to open a gift of clothing. This clothing is a shirt, yellow and brown with green splotches. It is the first thing I grabbed at the store on the way here, when your mother reminded me it was your birthday. The gift receipt is in the box, under the ugly shirt, and I got it on sale at Wal-Mart, so don’t even bother to take it back; just use it as a rag. You may proceed to open your gift now.” I think this would solve a lot of stress issues.

That’s my rant feel free to add your own.

People need to let off a little steam every now and then. That’s what HazyRants is all about. Daily life has a funny way of planting “annoying seeds” in our minds. These seeds grow very fast and by the end of the day we have migraine bushes poking out of our ears. If you have a migraine bush that you need to trim back, feel free to comment and throw your rant in as well.

Today’s rant: I am a mailman. I carry a mail bag and have a mailman uniform with a mailman hat and alllllll the mailman accessories. Why is it then, that when I walk into a business and hand the owner their mail, they look at me, confused and bewildered and ask me, “Are you the mailman?” Are you kidding me? Who else would I be? “No ma’am. I’m just a guy that got reallly realllly bored today and thought it would be a good idea to go to the post office, dress up like this, ask for your mail, then deliver it to you. Good catch though. I almost had you fooled.

Please people. I know we live in a world of skepticism, but when you see a duck, it’s probably a duck. And if a man, in uniform or not, hands you the mail, don’t question him. He is either the mailman, or he beat up the mailman to give you your mail. Either way, just smile and say, “Thank you.”

That’s my rant for today. I look forward to tormorrow’s “annoying seeds” to sprout out another bush of head pain. Until then, I will sleep easily with mine nicely trimmed. Goodnight.